Opening Up: An Offensive Term?

Hey everyone, I'm not sure if this topic has been discussed before here or if it will even gain much interest. But I figure I would start it anyways.
I recently told someone near to me about how I wish they would open up more to me, communicate more, and let me take a peak into what is going on in their head because I feel as if I get less information compared to their friends. It comes from a genuine place of interest and a want to know this person better.

In response to my questioning, I am told by this person that to the people who ask them this question, it's lazy to ask such a thing.. that people should put in more work to figure out which parts are the open parts, because to them they are open all the time, and to basically be okay with what is given. It is seen by this person, that the people are putting all the workload on them to have all the information handed out. Also saying that people should take account for their history and background of how they have many things they are ashamed of and wish to go by their own terms saying, "If it happens, it happens."
(I tried to summarize this as best as I can, and may have left out a couple more points or lack explaination as I am trying to keep this as general as possible without specific instances and such)

Coming from someone who has had trouble with social interaction and never really put much thought into it, I never saw it this way. I do not disagree that it's okay to go by a person's own terms for when they feel comfortable enough to open up. Though, in my case, I am considered much closer to this person versus the friends of many years and yet I feel as though I do not recieve as much "openess" as these friends.
Maybe I am being selfish and impatient with them? I admit I never took into consideration the hardships they went through and never thought it was an issue to be asked to open up or to be told that a person wishes to know someone more. I never want to force anyone to "open up," but I realize that maybe that's exactly what I was asking of them.
I am curious if my reaction to this at first, which was shocked because it's such a simple question that I didn't expect to hold so much weight to it, is out of a very simple understanding of this and I should have known it to be more than what I believed it to be/mean, or maybe it was an expected response to some people.

How would you react if someone were to ask you to "open up" more? Would you be offended or would you find no problem with it, or somewhere in between?

Hey everyone, I'm not sure if this topic has been discussed before here or if it will even gain much interest. But I figure I would start it anyways.
I recently told someone near to me about how I wish they would open up more to me, communicate more, and let me take a peak into what is going on in their head because I feel as if I get less information compared to their friends. It comes from a genuine place of interest and a want to know this person better.

In response to my questioning, I am told by this person that to the people who ask them this question, it's lazy to ask such a thing.. that people should put in more work to figure out which parts are the open parts, because to them they are open all the time, and to basically be okay with what is given. It is seen by this person, that the people are putting all the workload on them to have all the information handed out. Also saying that people should take account for their history and background of how they have many things they are ashamed of and wish to go by their own terms saying, "If it happens, it happens."
(I tried to summarize this as best as I can, and may have left out a couple more points or lack explaination as I am trying to keep this as general as possible without specific instances and such)

Coming from someone who has had trouble with social interaction and never really put much thought into it, I never saw it this way. I do not disagree that it's okay to go by a person's own terms for when they feel comfortable enough to open up. Though, in my case, I am considered much closer to this person versus the friends of many years and yet I feel as though I do not recieve as much "openess" as these friends.
Maybe I am being selfish and impatient with them? I admit I never took into consideration the hardships they went through and never thought it was an issue to be asked to open up or to be told that a person wishes to know someone more. I never want to force anyone to "open up," but I realize that maybe that's exactly what I was asking of them.
I am curious if my reaction to this at first, which was shocked because it's such a simple question that I didn't expect to hold so much weight to it, is out of a very simple understanding of this and I should have known it to be more than what I believed it to be/mean, or maybe it was an expected response to some people.

How would you react if someone were to ask you to "open up" more? Would you be offended or would you find no problem with it, or somewhere in between?

If someone like a close friend asked me to open up more I would definitely open up more. I would see that as a signal they wanted to really grow this friendship more and they are interested in and value everything about me. I would actually see being told to open up more by a close friend as quite flattering.

Sometimes if someone likes someone a lot they protect themselves a lot more from them. Maybe they don’t want to embarrass themselves for fear they’ll be disliked. Maybe being told they should do more makes them feel inadequate. Seems like you shouldn’t push the matter with them if they are being self-defensive about opening up.

How would you react if someone were to ask you to "open up" more? Would you be offended or would you find no problem with it, or somewhere in between?

Howdy Cabby and welcome to the forum.

What kind of cab do you drive? A sedan, minivan... smart car?

About the topic of your thread: If I said that to somebody and he replied like that to me, I'd respond, "Well geez louise, excuse me for caring. I promise I won't let it happen again."

About the topic of your thread: If I said that to somebody and he replied like that to me, I'd respond, "Well geez louise, excuse me for caring. I promise I won't let it happen again."

You don't want them on the back foot.

What I meant is that it can be a trust issue and even though you think its about you, the other person is not thinking that way. Rather than push for someone to share more when they might be uncomfortable, Id say let them guide the pace otherwise you might push them away. Like its clearly in your advantage to know more about them but they see it differently.

Hi, Cabby.

First of all, when I first read your post (I read it twice), I thought for sure that this was a man asking these questions because I felt as if I could have written this post myself. In fact, I've had several conversations with different people, both male and female, on this very topic in just the last week or so, so this is a topic that is very near to my heart. I find it very interesting that you're a woman who is asking these questions, and I'll explain why that is in just a moment.

First. let me answer your questions.

Q. How would I react if someone were to ask me to "open up" more?

A. I'd be ECSTATIC because, truth be told, one of my favorite things in the whole world is open, honest, and deep conversation...especially with women. I'm sorry, but I'm really not too interested in men unless I'm attempting to minister the gospel to them in some manner or trying to help them work through some problem or situation in their lives.

Q. Would I be offended, or would I find no problem with it, or somewhere in between?

A. I would have no problem with it whatsoever. Instead, I have a huge problem with people who claim to care about me or who claim that they want to be my friend without showing even the slightest bit of interest in what is truly in my heart or in what type of man I truly am.

Now to why I find it interesting that you're a woman who is asking these questions...

For my entire life, I've heard or overheard woman after woman after woman after woman after woman complain that the man in their life pays no attention to them, or shows no real interest in them, or isn't thoughtful, etc., etc., etc. Well, I'm a man who is totally interested in what is in a woman's heart. In fact, I posted that somewhere on this forum a little over a year ago. Anyhow, I'm very picky or particular when it comes to women. In other words, unless I detect something in their heart that attracts me to them, I have no interest in them whatsoever...even if they're the most outwardly attractive woman ever.

Here's the weird part...

I'm also a very respectful gentleman who basically never "makes the first move". In other words, even if I like a woman, I am a respectful gentleman who totally believes in mutual consent or someone who would never seek to impose his own wants or desires upon another unless I first believed that they were mutually interested in me. Well, when women do show first interest in me, I seek to get to know what's in their hearts, and I'm denied entry time and time and time and time again. This really confuses me. In other words, why show interest in me if you're not willing to even let me know who you really are?

Granted, there are people who carry around a lot of past hurts, and have therefore built up walls around their hearts, but, even then, you would think that after a man shows himself to be patient, caring, compassionate, understanding, etc., that at least a little bit of entry would be granted unto him.

Well, I've been left standing out in the hallway enough times that I'm contemplating never even speaking to another woman again.

That's where I'm at.

Hey, you asked, and I OPENLY answered.

P.S.

My default position is this:

When someone "makes the first move" towards me, and then won't grant me access to their heart after I've shown myself worthy of the same, then I just walk away thinking that it was all just a game on their part.

Thank you!
Why, I only drive/ride the best of the best; the taxi cab! Usually filled with smoke, stained seats, and the lingering smell of someones' meal.. what an experience, and it's one that changes each time. You never know what you get! Hehe

Hi Cabby, I do find it lazy when people say that. Because if you wanted to genuinely know someone, wouldnt you ask specific questions to find out more about them? Like who was your favourite teacher at elementary? Not generic questions like can you open up with me a bit more? I wouldnt necessarily be offended but Id have a feeling of read my autobiography which sounds defensive but its not. Its just filtering out the time wasters. Take your time getting to know someone, what is the rush? You dont want them on the back foot.

In response to my questioning, I am told by this person that to the people who ask them this question, it's lazy to ask such a thing..
that people should put in more work to figure out which parts are the open parts, because to them they are open all the time

There's a difference between saying, "I'd like to get to know you better," and,
"I wish you would open up more with me." Can you see it? The first clearly
communicates interest without criticism. The second does not.

This is contradictory