So I started taking God seriously last year and I prayed a lot to receive the Holy Spirit. I tried to confess but honestly sometimes I don’t feel genuine enough. I feel that if I don’t feel emotional doing so that it was fake. But I keep praying for the Holy Spirit but it seems like my heart is just getting worse instead of better. I feel more wicked and sinful and my conviction and love just isn’t there. I lost my fear of God but I guess I was more scared to be punished. Ever since I fell back into sin because of unbelief and anxiety sparking high because of the doubt I first started feeling apathetic and I felt as though the Lord wasn’t there because I cried out to Him to save me and help me but nothing happened. I’m happy I haven’t given up on trying and I don’t deal with that horrible doubt anymore which I think it was just covered up with sin. I honestly don’t know what to do. I never feel like I have enough fear for God or love. I don’t feel like I’m being changed either. I try to pray for help but I don’t feel desperate enough and I start off genuine but then end up feeling careless and have a whatever feeling. I wish I felt a strong desperation and a care. I don’t feel serious about it even though I want to be serious and I want to feel love and reverence. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I also started having intrusive thoughts and emotions this year. Just seems like I’m getting worse.